“April is the cruelest month, breeding
lilacs out of the dead land, mixing
memory and desire, stirring
dull roots with spring rain.” — T.S. Eliot The Waste Land
So we sat there in early spring
after she got that dismal news
sat right on her back porch
and she wondered
if it would be possible
to fly off and touch
the rings of the universe
maybe pour a large
glass of sangria on Saturn
or sidestep through
a sanctuary of stars
she talked of metastasis
and pain management
and the taste of morphine
becoming the nectar of necessity
she also said
euthanasia might be
the way to go
I saw a brilliant red cardinal land
on the top of the fence board
glorifying this cruel spring
then I looked up as
her brother came in the gate
and she went to him
put her head on his shoulder
and I needed to
shrink into the woodwork
but I was outside
so I slinked along the honeysuckle vines
skirting the perimeter of the garden
that she wouldn’t be able to plant
then I dissolved completely around
a row of newly sprouted irises
pricking my finger on a newly
budded rose bush
those two comforting each other
holding that horrible illness
at bay for one moment
delaying the flight to Saturn
and the sanctuary in the stars….
Oh how sad. I hope a sangria on Saturn waits on the other side.
Yes…my neighbor was just diagnosed with incurable cancer. ..seem like it happened overnight 🙁
Lana, serious subject but comforting and creative escape away from pain. Lovely writing. Saturn and there’s something dreamy in other worlds.
Thanks Robin. It is indeed a tough subject and one of those cases where something hits out of the blue and life is forever altered…
My teaching mentor was 40 and I was 50. She had her Master’s and 3 kids with a gentle husband. She got pregnant and hormones took a seed of cancer and spread it. She had baby boy, 2 years later she passed away. (2006) When I visited her the last time, her toddler was trying to get her to suck on his popsicle while he crawled around on her bed. 🙁
It puts life into perspective, Lana.
No reason for me to whine or complain. . . <3
This is so true. Many of us have so much to be thankful for. No reason for me to whine either.
Sorry to add to the bummer news your neighbor shared. I look back upon my response and it doesn’t seem too supportive. Sorry about this.
There may be a chance, or more than a chance, for your neighbor’s cancer to become irradiated and diminished in size. . . we can still hold out in hope for miracles, Lana.
Robin, I didn’t take it that way at all. I’m just behind on my responses. Cancer runs differently in everyone. This lady is very strong, and she has talked in a quite matter-of-fact manner about what she would do if faced with a super diminished quality of life. If it is where she can maintain her level of expectations, then it will be well for her to continue, if not, I think she is ready. You are so kind and considerate, Robin…a truly lovely person….hugs 🙂
I am a deep fan of T.S Elliot and always moved by his tone of lucid fatalism. Cancer is so cruel and impervious to all conscious sense of suffering. The anguish felt by your friend and differently by you comes out so movingly here. “All I have is a voice” W.H Auden said, and you used yours very well here.
Thank you so much. I am also a fan of the poet. I had a hard time with that one way back in the college days, but the professor told me that I would come to understand it. Cancer is a brutal subject. I’ve not heard the Auden quote before. I like it. Thanks again.
This is so moving… Painful and beautiful, which is a great illustration of spring itself.
Thank you so much. It is a painful subject indeed…I have been trying to work through this and felt a lot of the sentiments from the Waste Land.
You have dealt with a subject that many have to face but you wrote about it in a subtle way and touches the ordinary yet cuts to the heart of dying. Morphine and gardens she won’t be able to plant. I like T. S. Eliot also but prefer his book of poems, “Old Possum’s Book of Practical Cats” for lighter reading. This is the second reference to Eliot I have read today so perhaps that is a sign I need to go back and read some of his works. An excellent poem and tribute to your friend!. May she find the peace to let go.
Thank you for those wonderful words. It has been so sudden and such a shock. I have been writing to sort my feelings. She is a super person and seems to be handling it well. I am really feeling for her family and son who is just getting out of the Navy.
Yes, April is a hodgepodge of emotional seasons colliding in confusion. I was born in April … probably explains my quirky personality. lol
I love April here if it doesn’t get too hot 🙂
Sounds like you don’t like extreme heat and humidity either. It’s a pale, light (redhead or blonde) thing. We don’t do well in heat. Did I ever mention to you that those of us so blessed (or cursed) by the sun are the Royalty of Atlantis? We had to come from somewhere!
That’s right, I don’t like it…but I sure live in the wrong place, ha ha. We’ve already been close to 80 degrees. Atlantis..I had no idea..sounds rather mysterious and cool.
I hope to do a novella series on the subject, but as an editor I rarely have time to work on my own ideas. I hope I live long enough to write at least half the stuff in my head. lol
It’s very difficult to find writing time. After I’m done with work, I just want to sit on the sofa and stare into space, lol.
I work at home, but I find myself doing the same just by shifting from the office to the living area. As much as I love to write, it’s still very tedious work, especially getting it right after the writing. lol
This is really stunning, L.T. So emotional. Beautifully written.
Thank you so much. I’ve been working through my sadness on this issue.
Connecting the losses to the cycling of the earth and the rise of spring was so poignant. We are part of that cycling too, a precious part of the whole and our losses don’t go unnoticed.
Yes we are, and as a part of that cycling, I believe we go on in some way. Spring is always beautiful when it comes, it has definitely put things in perspective for me this year.
Very moving and well written – thank God hope springs eternal. Blessings KR
Thanks so much. Yes indeed, thank God for hope everyday. Blessings in return.
Profoundly beautiful. This fatal reality, never an easy matter to wrap our heads and hearts in. So sorry. Here’s hoping for peace of heart and a breakthrough each brand new day.
Thank you so much for the kind words. Hope truly springs eternal.
You have capture so well the pain of that moment L.T. Gavin. Thank you ! And thank you for visiting my blog. There is also an English side to this blog at the following address : http://visualpoetrysylvieg.wordpress.com
Thank you also, working through this time in writing helps us cope, or so I believe. I will check the English version of your blog 🙂
🙂