If someone had told Greg Taylor that he’d be rewriting the history of Ironic Things Laced with Rock Music lyrics one day, he wouldn’t have taken them seriously. In the early 1980s, he and his band members were enrolled in high school Ag class. Ag being short for Agriculture, of course. As part of the annual grass judging competition (no, not that grass), there was a talent show. The teacher, Mr. Hutcher, walked into class shuffling his feet.
“Greg, you, Duane and Wade all got a band, right?”
“Yes,” he answered cautiously knowing that rock music wasn’t too popular in that little town.
“What do ya’ll play, the Beatles?”
“Well, not right now. It’s more like Def Leppard, AC/DC, L.A. Guns…”
“L.A. What?”
“Guns,” said Greg Sheepishly.
“Oh, well, tell ya what, we need talent for the upcoming judging contest and convention. I wondered if you boys could put a few songs together. We just don’t have a lot of kids who do stuff like that.”
“Uh sure, Mr. Hutcher. I guess we could do like three songs or something.”
“Good, you guys just might surprise us all. In a good way too,” Mr. Hutcher laughed.
After school, Greg couldn’t wait to find Duane and Wade to tell them about the gig at the grass judging contest.
“You gotta be kiddin’ me,” Duane laughed.
“What will be doin?” asked Wade.
“Three songs,” Greg replied. “We’ve got to get to work.”
The stage was surrounded by hay bales so maybe they felt a little uncomfortable on the cusp of 1980s glam rock highlights in their spandex pants and eyeliner. Maybe they were just flat out of their element, but either way, they were scheduled to go on right after the square dancers. Backstage, Greg peered out around the curtain with his perfectly lined eyes.
“Geez, those square dancers! They are really square,” Duane remarked.
“Yes, they are. Do we get extra points for this, Greg?” asked Wade.
Greg scowled. Nothing like being corralled wearing your colored spandex. They were bringing the 80s, bringing it large, plopping it down in the middle of livestock and prime ranch land. After what seemed an eternity, the square dancers performed their last do-seh-do.
“Let’s go,” Greg grabbed his guitar. They went out on the stage, breaking into the Stones, Jumpin’ Jack Flash.
In the front row, a few old people nodded.
“They are probably as old as the Stones,” Duane whispered after it was over. “They’d probably like Wild Horses better,” Greg said. Then they changed musical modes heading into Back in Black.
The judges came out to announce the winners who had done the best with over 23 types of grasses deciding whether the samples were native or introduced; cool season or warm season; annual or perennial and whether they would be good, fair or poor grazing. The TEXAS TOPSOIL Guide carried both grass types and their characteristics and was the basis of their studying. Cards lined the tables. One card had just the seed head. Farther down the line there was the same grass, but with leaves and roots and no seeds. Scoring was on the basis of one point for each sample correctly identified and one point for the right answer to each of the four required characteristics.
“We were just proud to be part of it,” snickered Wade under his breath as Camille Lewis came out with her flute to accompany them for the final song, Stairway to Heaven. To be truthful, they lost the cowboy crowd after the Stones, and sadly, not many Led Zeppelin fans were present, but Mr. Hutcher seemed quite pleased because they did fill the gap and represented the school well. At least Linville High had some talent!
Greg remained positive up to the end about their performance and maybe taking the top talent spot. Just as he was feeling good about himself, some redneck umped up and yelled out, “Bob Wills is till the King!”
Greg wanted to tell him no, that Elvis eclipsed Bob Wills a long time ago, but instead, he just helped Camille pack up her flute.
“Now what?” asked Wade.
“They will come back out and announce the music winners,” Greg responded.
“Well, it’s gotta be us…” Duane broke off as the Judges appeared on the stage. Fame is fleeting in the middle of a wheat field, as it happened, the judges went with a bleached blonde Tanya Tucker Wanna-Be. She sang just like her too and was a shoo-in with that accent. The Tanya Wanna Be wasn’t wearing any eyeliner or spandex, but her jeans were tight and her lips were red, and she even wore a Texas flag shirt to top it all off.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vHA1Cv9XsBk
Great story. I can just picture the eye-lined, spandexed rockers at the grass-judging contest performing for the old folks between the bales of hay. What a scene. Too bad they did’t win but it sounds like they were pure gentlemen. And so they really have grass-judging contests somewhere??
Oh yes, they did back in the 70s and 80s in these rural high schools, lol! Thanks Diana, writing this up was a lot of fun, I thought it should be told 😀
Reblogged this on John Cowgill's Literature Site.
Thanks John, happy weekend!
You are very graciously welcome, Lana. You have a great weekend.
I’m not sure Mick ever wore eye-liner – but he would have got a kick out of those boys playing his stuff to the oldies by the hay bales…….. Some dreams never die!
Ha ha, I don’t know if Mick wore eyeliner either, but he is definitely flamboyant, lol! He would definitely gotten a kick out of these teenagers playing his songs in the middle of bales of hay 😀
Long love looking
Poetry Wolf
Lana, I’m chucking all the way through this story…so well written I felt I was there with them all! Yeah, to Greg and friends turning up in spandex etc…I can just imagine the faces of the folks there. Sounded like Tanya was a shoo in all along…with the T-shirt and all! Oh, I just love the idea of the grass competition and I saw this was an actual event, classic and well incorporated into the story. Have a lovely weekend and have fun writing more of these stories, they give us such a flavour of the time and place! 😀😀
Thank you, Annika! So happy you liked it. I have fun writing and re-living these. Yes, what an area to show up with long hair and spandex, lol. Have a super weekend 😀
True story, Lana?? Indeed, it has the ring of truth to it. I felt my emotions being tugged from sadness that the band didn’t win to amusement over their attire back in the day in small-town Texas. Happy weekend to you!
That was certainly a different place and event to show up in full 1980’s rock garb, lol. True story, except only one wore the eyeliner, but he was the frontman, of course, lol.
Ugh…just ugh…why does it always have to be the Taylor Swifts?
Yes, I know, Marissa. Must be written in the stars at least for this area, lol.
I am LOL at the very image of a boy band wearing spandex and eyeliner in the entertainment line-up at this very country event. I was kind of hoping they would win. Maybe if they’d been judging the OTHER kind of grass, the boys would have had a chance against Tanya Tucker. Another great short story, Lana. Keep ’em coming. 🙂
They were definitely a stand-out in this part of the country, lol. If it were the other kind of grass, they would have been a shoo-in, ha ha! Oh those Tanya Tucker clones, sigh. Thanks Joan 😀
What is it with men wearing eye-liner being so awesome? 😉 I always think more of them should wear it and not only in the music business! 😀 There, I said it, and won´t back off 😉 Loved your story about this courageous rock band trying to bring some really good music to those stiff ears 😀
And thanks for the Def Leppard song – as always you supply me with music worth to be investigated further 😉 Much love and many hugs!
I think a little eyeliner is a good thing, ha ha. There were truly some 1980s hunks that wore it. Thank you so much, I’m glad you liked the story. Also glad you liked the Def Leppard song, they have several good hits, so I’m sure you will enjoy listening. Much love and many hugs to you, I hope you have a super week ahead!
Here´s to all the GlamRock stars and actors that look much better with eye-liner than I do! 😉 Have a super week ahead too, Lana! 🙂 xoxo
Such a vivid story… your writing draws the reader in! Beautiful, Lana. Thanks for this enjoyable read. ❤
Thank you so much for the lovely compliment, Iris! Have a lovely upcoming week. 😀
It’s a pleasure, Lana… you too, have a great week. 😃
I love 80’s music and was rooting for the guys! Your story drew me in, and I was disappointed they hadn’t won 🙁 They’re right, though — Elvis is da man. 🙂
Oh yes, Poet Rummager, you can’t argue against Elvis 😀
Nice twist at the end though should have seen it coming with all the clues about the rather ‘conventional’ nature of the event!
Conventional indeed, Dave, ha ha. 😀
your post reminded me of the last tragedy – Vegas Killer! May their souls rest in Peace and justice be done!
Yes, I do hope justice will be done. My heart goes out to all the victims and their families. It is so very sad.