Adele Louise Martin was lounging in her parlor on a 1950s green sofa that she fondly called, “the divan” that stretched out like a long chartreuse lily pad where she now wiggled her toes and tried not to think of the pesky issue with her gums. She tossed her copy of Southern Living onto the coffee table and rubbed her hands appreciatively over the nubby green texture of the divan admiring how the end corners sprouted upward into arches. The divan could seat six adults comfortably and had been in her family for years. The phone rang and Adele turned her attention to the business of the day.
When Lila Faye Owens died, it was just an ordinary Thursday afternoon. Nothing special. It wasn’t like a surrender of angels came down and swept her up into heavenly grace, no it wasn’t like that at all. Instead, there was just one whacked out mortician loading up his hearse, muttering under his breath and that’s when Adele’s phone rang.
“Ms. Martin?”
“Yes?”
“It’s Dierge. Dierge Conally. From the funeral home.”
“Oh…”
“You know about Lila Faye, right?”
“I do. Such a poor dear. I’m so going to miss her. My heart is full of….”
“Um yes, so sorry, but do you know who’s gonna pay for this?”
“Well, you know, Lila didn’t have much. She has a cousin in Fresno –”
“Yes,” Dierge interrupted. “I’m gonna need three grand to start. I mean, I’m real sorry and all that, but when the time comes, everybody’s gotta pay. I just can’t work for free. I can’t bury the whole town, I would if I could, you know.”
Yes, and cocaine isn’t cheap, Adele thought to herself. “I see. I will speak to her friends. I will speak to the church. I will see what I can do.”
“Well, thank you, Ms. Martin. I appreciate it.”
Adele smirked at the telephone as she ended the call. Oh, how she hated Dierge. Everybody in town knew about him. Of course, he couldn’t go around burying folks for free, but did he have to be so greedy and obnoxious about it? As she fumed over him, thinking of his addiction issues, his shady friends and how he was always messing around in the pool hall in the back of the funeral home and always disappearing, her phone rang again.
“Aunt Adele, how are you today?” asked her nephew, Jimmy.
“Oh, I’m very well, not bad at all, really. A mite disappointed, but not bad.”
“What’s up?”
“Poor Lila Faye is gone.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. You all were such good friends, I know.”
“It’s okay love. The poor dear. Her health was so bad and all. But what makes me mad is that Dierge! He has already called me about expenses knowing good and well poor Lila doesn’t have any family.”
“He’s such a loser. Parties every day in the Rec Hall back there.”
“I thought it was a pool hall? Oh well, didn’t you help build most of that addition?”
“Yes.” Jimmy was one of the two town carpenters and was happy when people remembered details of his work. Competition was fierce these days.
“Does Oscar still help you?” asked Aunt Adele.
“Nah, not anymore. I gotta find a new helper. Oscar quit after he got his hair caught in a power drill. Ruined my drill too. There was no reverse on that one. He keeps it a bun now, calls it a man bun.”
“Oh dear, these young folks and their hairstyles these days.”
“What’s worse is he went to work for Crossover Construction. For Ronnie, can you believe it? But he only picks up lumber though. No power tools. Won’t even go near them.”
“Really? Well if he abandoned you for Ronnie, he wasn’t much of a helper then. That Ronny, he’s another one. Has Jesus’ name and the fish emblem painted all over his truck. Biggest fake follower I’ve ever seen. All he follows is money,” said Aunt Adele.
“Isn’t that the truth? Did I tell you about the time Ronnie went over to bid Pauline Edgar’s job at her house? He launched into prayer and song. I can picture that fraud now, “Oh Lord, take these hands and guide them in the building of this house….”
“You’ve got to be kidding me!”
“I wish I was. Now everybody thinks I’m the Anti-Christ of Carpentry because I’m not a conspicuous fake! But enough, if I get started on him, I can’t stop. I think we should have a fundraiser for Lila to pay her final expenses. Freddy and the guys can fire up a band. I’ll fire up some barbecue and you can have the ladies bake some cakes.”
“Oh, I like that idea! We will have to have a parlor meeting about it. I’ll make some phone calls. Can you come over tomorrow afternoon? We can sit her on the divan and plan it all out. This will be such a wonderful thing for dear Lila!”
“Sounds good. Aunt Adele did I tell you I saw Paul Henley the other day? He was asking about you.”
“Oh, was he now?”
“Yep, he sure was.”
“Well, I guess he can keep on asking.”
“I guess he can. He had a nice, new car, though. Maybe he will find someone else to ask.” Jimmy said coyly.
Adele thought to herself for a moment. Maybe she should invite Paul over too. To sit on the divan. There was nothing better than entertaining a retired dentist when you had gum issues. “What kind of car did you say he had?”
“A Cadillac,” answered Jimmy.
“Oh well then. That’s nice. I’ll give you a call back about that fundraising meeting, dear. Now get out there and kick Ronnie’s behind on building the next major block!”
“Talk to you later,” Jimmy smiled into the phone. There was only one Aunt Adele.
Aunt Adele hung up the phone. She thought about Lila, such a lovely, pleasant soul. She also remembered that Lila had the most perfect teeth. They stayed in their sockets too, just where the Good Lord placed them.
Southern Living? there’s a publication called that?
Jim, Jim, how do you think the world could find out how to make mint julips and pecan pie the correct way? How else would you know how to arrange ferns on the front porch? Of course there is Southern Living 😀
WP is such an educational platform. you southern ladies really got it going on.
and I haven’t been called Jim Jim in a long time. nice memory you brought back. 🙂
Anytime, Jim, ha ha! It is an educational platform for sure 😀
This went quite well with my afternoon coffee! Can’t wait to see how they raise that money. The Southern Living was a nice touch. And Oscar ruined that drill! Stay warm up there!
Thanks, Jo! They better have a pretty good party to help finance that. I’ll bet Oscar lost a good chunk of hair too, LOL. So far I haven’t frozen to death, but I guess there is still two more months of winter, ha ha. 😀
I just love these small town stories, Lana, and the fascinating people that you populate them with. I can’t help laughing. I’m looking forward to part 2. I hope someday you pull a bunch of these together into a book. (hint hint).
Thanks so much, Diana. They are some lively characters for sure, but I have had a lifetime of observation practice, LOL 😀
Looking forward to part 2! Love the song at the end.
Thanks Jennie! That is truly a cool song, one of my favs 😀
Mine, too. Well, so much so that I performed it at a wedding. White gloves included. Long (and good) story. I’ll write this after Christmas for Sally Cronin’s blog. 😀
Sounds like a terrific story, I can’t wait to read it!
😀
Already well engaged with the characters and looking forward to more!
Thanks so much, Peter! Have a super weekend.
Great story… Adele’s lily pad divan sounds divine! I quickly got hooked on the gossipy dialogue, the bit about the man bun made me laugh. And how the fake Christian dude won the bid over the Anti-Christ of Carpentry. Adele blowing off Paul Henley, then reconsidering… thinking, “there was nothing better than entertaining a retired dentist when you had gum issues.” The part about Lila’s perfect teeth made me wonder if she had a “thing” going on with the retired dentist… a hint of foreshadowing for Part 2? 🙂
Thanks, Joan, ha ha. You know, I didn’t think about connecting Lila to the dentist, but I’ll bet Lila might have appreciated riding around in a new Cadillac too 😀 I think Oscar lost a good chunk of hair when he got it caught in that drill, so I understand his hesitation with using power tools.
You make the best characters! Do you know in L.A. there are a bunch of dead people that go unclaimed every year and if they are not claimed in 3 years the city makes a mass burial for them? It kind if reminded me of this. Some think it’s sad, but I think that’s what I’ll do when I go. Save my family the expense! LOL
Thanks, Marissa! You know, there is really something unsavory in the business of death. I didn’t know about the mass burials, but I’ll bet they do that in many cities for the poor and homeless. Really the “out” that is chosen by people is whatever they are comfortable with as many people believe that when you are gone, you are gone. I have lost many of my family members and really do not spend time at their gravesites although Craig is pretty regimented in visiting his grandparent’s graves.