The Publisher Called….Okay Then, Emailed…

Ok, so the publisher got back with me…

and it wasn’t like just immediately, so that’s good right? No, I didn’t write Harry Potter; I wrote Larry Kotter, about a farm kid with magical powers, flying corn plants, and a small group of gothic country kids, which I believe Gothic Country may be a new genre, right? And it wasn’t just “NO”, it was: “I read well into your story….” Which translates into: “I could hardly put it down, but I finally had to because I work for a tyrant, and I absolutely am not allowed to read anything funny.” Which is much better than, “I read only two paragraphs, it bored me to tears, your characters were flat, and there was no epiphany….”
There was also another key line in my email-not-quite-a-rejection-rejection, “I enjoyed (the well into the story that I read), but we have SO much FICTION, (why are all you people writing fiction when you should be finding something REAL that matters so that it can be published???)…we have taken on SO much fiction, that it would be AWHILE before we could get to yours, so why don’t you submit it to other publishers, like my competitor at _____ because I want to give her a headache. And be sure to call her several times after you submit it to check the status….
Anyway, I may do this, but first I need to wrap up my current work which is NOT the next Twilight, it is Skylight, which is about me looking through my skylight at a group of glittering vampire bats who are being stalked by wild dogs (and not werewolves….). I also need to finish up: Gone With the Next of Kin, which is about me taking my Aunt Maude grocery shopping, and her forgetting what she needed exactly and trying to put everything back, and meanwhile I’m starving, vowing that “With the Walmart Clerks as my Witness, I will never shop hungry again….).
Happy writing folks, but as you know, publishers are busy!